Eating in Public

TW/Nota bene: discussion of food, dieting, and body image

I've never been an enthusiastic fan of salad, or of vegetables in general (that is, I don't get as excited about buying and eating them as I do about fruit), though I have know that they're good for me, and that it's better for the planet if more of my diet is plant-based. So when I discovered a salad recipe I actually like-- spinach, tomatoes, bell peppers, sometimes cucumbers but they make it all soggy, walnuts, and feta cheese-- I was excited.

Then I had the experience of eating salad in public, and it made me think.

Eating anything in public can be more of a self-aware activity than it needs to be if you belong to a category whose eating people judge, like a woman, someone who's considered "overweight," someone who's eating ethnic or minority food, etc. I fall into two of those categories. Normally I'm not terribly self-conscious about eating in public, but this is in a conference setting, where the moderator has explicitly invited to bring our lunches since it's the lunch hour. No one else does on a regular basis, though.

Am I being "bad" for being an overweight woman eating in public, or am I being "good" because I'm eating a so-called "good" food, and thus giving the impression that I'm "penitent" and trying to "reform?" (Ick.) Am I contributing to the idea that all women should diet all the time? Am I giving the impression that I am insecure or unhappy with my body? That is, in fact, not true, and being happy with my body despite being overweight is one of the more revolutionary and subversive things I do on a regular basis. I don't want to undermine that just because I happen to be a hippie vegetarian.

I should be able just to eat my lunch without worrying about the kind of message people are reading into it, but I know that many people consider any display of femininity to be an all-access pass into that person's private life and motivations. Maybe I should make a sign... "This salad not eaten as part of any weight loss effort." Or maybe I should bring in some cheesecake.